We can choose to be offended, or we can choose not to be offended. That is it, in a nutshell. Do, or do not! Who are we that we say we cannot forgive? Who has made us God? Often, we will say “Well, I have forgiven them, but I sure will not forget!” Yes, it is true because we are human, and we might not forget the injustice done to us or our loved ones. Only God can forget, if He so chooses. When we are fully healed from the hurt though, we may still have memories of the hurt, but not the pain associated with it.
When I was asked to write an article for Fullness Magazine about this subject, I immediately thought, “Yes, I can do this because I have lived this, and to be honest I still struggle sometimes.” However, when I remember “Who I am in Christ”, it is a lot easier to decide not to be offended. I also asked the Lord to write this article through me because He is the one who can help us.
In Luke 23:34 the word of God gives us a perfect example of how to pray for those who offend us. It reads,
“Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.”
Jesus prayed this prayer while he was in agony on the cross, asking God to forgive those who had hurt Him. He had compassion on them because He knew that they really did not have a clue that He was the Son of God, and that they were crucifying God. In many cases, people really do not realize that they are offending you by what they say or do, sometimes they do it completely innocently (usually because they speak before they think). Then they may just move on with their lives, not knowing the pain that you are in. Of course there are other times when people do intentionally want to hurt you but usually these are people who do not know the Lord as their personal Savior.
Often, we can be easily offended by those that intimidate us. Intimidation can make someone feel “less than”. Intimidation can also bring a feeling of discouragement that can arise when you feel like someone else is superior to you. Intimidation can also come from comparing yourself to someone else and feeling insecure. I know this to be true because I have experienced it a lot in my own life, and like I said, I still struggle sometimes but I try to remind myself though repeating daily “Who I am in Christ!”
When we choose to take up offense, we are choosing to feel angry or upset in response to something someone has said or done to us or a loved one. When we take up the offense it only hurts us. While we are still stewing in our unforgiveness towards that person, it brings bad fruit to our lives including anger and unforgiveness. This can, in some cases, lead to hatred. Unforgiveness can even bring sickness to our bodies. Unforgiveness breeds bitterness which makes you a prisoner of the offense. This can result in numerous changes in your body including your heart rate, blood pressure, etc. and those changes then increase the risk of depression, heart disease, diabetes, etc. Forgiveness will, however, calm stress levels, leading to better health and happiness.
I once heard someone say, “Hurting people hurt people”. Yes, this phrase is true. Most times these people have experienced pain, trauma or harm of some sort, therefore they often lash out at others.
I was one of those people. I suffered trauma as a very young child being raped by an uncle (by marriage) before my 5th birthday. I also suffered a lot of other sexual abuse at his hand and others. Growing up I would often (even as a young child) lose my temper when someone upset me or hurt me or a loved one. This anger went with me into my adulthood.
I would lash out at them, often losing my temper. This resulted in getting me into some very serious trouble. My father would often tell me, “Darlene,” (my middle name) “That temper of yours is going to get you in some big trouble someday if you don’t learn to control it.” He was right. Several times I found myself in situations where I really hurt someone, but always regretting that I caused them pain. Once I ended up in jail for “assault and battery”, and another time I ended up in jail for “attempted murder.” Except for goodness and mercy following me all the days of my life…I could have spent my life in prison. There were also numerous times in my life where I hurt someone and probably could have suffered some consequences except for God’s mercy on me. That is not who I was!
When we get hurt by someone, we tend to become angry, and therefore take the anger out on those around us. Many times it’s our spouses, our children, our siblings, etc., the people that we love the most. They also must suffer through “our offenses.”
The enemy (the devil) knows where to attack us. If you never had problems with offense then most likely he won’t hit you in this area. He will most certainly attack you where you struggle, whatever that may be. The enemy doesn’t want unity among the brethren because he knows there is power in unity. This is why many churches have a church split because the enemy spreads offense among the brethren.
There is power in agreement, and there is division when an offense is taken. There is always power and authority in numbers. When the local police go out to help stop a riot the police department does not send out just “a few good men”, they send out as many as are available to show the crowds that they mean business. Why? Because there is power and authority in numbers. No wonder the enemy wants to divide us. We should be diligent in recognizing the enemy when he comes to try to divide us.
Unfortunately, in the times that we live in now, people have been divided politically. I personally have lost friends because of my political views. I have unintentionally offended people that I love. We should be able to “agree to disagree” and still play in the sandbox together. A lot of times something on the television, especially political stuff, can cause me to start to get angry. Immediately I will grab my phone and start to write something ugly on social media, but then the Lord will say to me, “No! Do not post that.” And then I have to repent for the anger.
The word of God tells us if we resist the devil then he will flee from us. We have power in us! If we harbor the offense, then what happens a lot of times is we begin to think about it and then let our emotions run wild. After that, many times we will want to share with someone our offense, thus allowing the spirit of Leviathan. The spirit of Leviathan is a spirit that twists words and communication. This is how it works. A person says something to another person, but what is said is not what it is heard the way it was spoken. This spirit twists words and causes offense. This is why it is so important to know who we are in Christ and choose immediately not to be offended! If we do that, then the enemy’s head has already been cut off. He has no power to do anything with that offense. Thank God for people in your life who do not allow you to talk about the offense, they direct you to the Lord.
Few people, though, ever talk about the one causing the offense. In Matthew 18:7 this verse talks about both the person, where the offense comes from, (the fact that someone chose to speak something that they know might hurt someone) and the person being offended.
Jesus says,
“Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!”
This verse emphasizes the importance of avoiding causing offense to others, and avoiding being easily offended ourselves. Don’t be the offender, and don’t take up the offense! When we take up an offense, the quicker we get to God with it, the better the outcome will be! Both the offender and the offended are wrong in their actions.
This is why it’s important to think before we speak so that we are not the offender, and when we feel we might get offended, then choose to just let it go. Often, when we harbor the offense, we then sometimes want to tell others about the offense, therefore dividing the brethren. When division comes, there is lack of power. The Word tells us in Proverbs 17:9 (NKJV)
“He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends”. Also in 1 Peter 4:8, “And above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins”.
The spirit of Leviathan can and will come in quickly to kill and steal from us if we let it. The world is full of people who have been offended and harbored those offenses in their hearts, causing them to not ever want to set foot in a church again. Division! Bottom line! There is a childhood song that says, “Be careful little lips what you say, be careful little ears what you hear, there’s a Father up above looking down on us with love, oh be careful…..”
We sometimes make things so hard when they are really simple. None of us have achieved the goal of being perfect, yet we must strive daily to try and achieve that goal. I once heard someone say, “The Christian army is the only army that shoots and buries its wounded.” OUCH! What are we doing? We are supposed to be the example of love to the world; however, because of offenses we are biting and devouring one another. We are no better off than the world.
The Word of God tell us that one can put 1000 to flight and two can put 10,000 to flight. This is talking about the enemy (and for the record, people are not the enemy). If the enemy can keep us upset and mad at each other or hurt, then we don’t have as much power over him.
There are times that we as people even get offended at God. We want to look at situations and say, “Well God why don’t you do something about that? Or why didn’t you stop that, Lord? Or how come you let that go on?” I was there at one time in my life. When I got old enough to acknowledge the sexual abuse that I had suffered as a child, I asked the Lord, “Why did you let this abuse go on with me? How come you didn’t stop it?” I began to realize that I was not only mad at my perpetrators, but I was also mad at the Lord for allowing it to happen. I love the Lord, but I was angry at Him. I remember asking him, “Where were you when I was being raped at four years old?” I was also offended with the Lord. As I grew in the Lord and received counsel from wise people, I realized that God has given man a free will, that he does not stop the bad things that man chooses to do.
We do have free will. When I was in an “inner healing” time when my friend Pat, she was walking me through some things. The Lord showed me a vision of Jesus sitting in the corner with His head in His hands weeping with me because of the abuse going on with me at four years old. He was letting me see that he was there with me during that terrible ordeal, but because of the free will he had given my perpetrator, He did not stop it. Jesus was also sad that this had happened to me. I realized later that the reason I became so angry and had such a bad temper was because I had pushed all those feelings way down inside me instead of dealing with them. Of course, I was just a small child and probably did not know how to deal with any of it.
We must feel the feelings. With that being said, I am not saying to harbor those feelings because that’s where the bitterness, anger, etc. comes in. We must immediately realize what is happening when something is done to offend us and then we need to deal with it immediately. Sadly, I have watched parents scold their children for crying or being sad. People, especially children, must feel and express what they are feeling. If they are not allowed to do so all those feelings will be suppressed, and it will come out in anger later and cause harm to other people.
How should we deal with offenses biblically? First off, if we can immediately decide to just not let it offend us at all, then we have already conquered the enemy. And that’s it! It’s done because we did not let the root of bitterness dwell in our heart. Proverbs 19:11 says,
“Good sense makes one slow to anger and it is his glory to overlook an offense”.
Another scripture in James 1:19 says,
“Swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger”.
It is, however, not always easy to just overlook the offense, but we just must choose to do it.
The bottom line is the world is full of anger, bitterness, strife, hatred, etc. The world needs to see a difference in the people that call themselves Christians.
In Matthew 5:44, Jesus says,
“Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.”
This can be tough when we are feeling offended, but if we will immediately choose not to be offended, love those that have offended us and pray for those who we feel persecuted by, the world would be in a lot better place.
In closing, Psalms 103:12 tells us,
“As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us”.
There is no end to east and west; it continues infinitely. If we as Christians could ever learn to just let stuff go or cast it to the wind so that it may go into the East and West, then we could live a lot more peaceful lives because we chose not to be offended.
______________________________
When I was asked to write an article for Fullness Magazine about this subject, I immediately thought, “Yes, I can do this because I have lived this, and to be honest I still struggle sometimes.” However, when I remember “Who I am in Christ”, it is a lot easier to decide not to be offended. I also asked the Lord to write this article through me because He is the one who can help us.
In Luke 23:34 the word of God gives us a perfect example of how to pray for those who offend us. It reads,
“Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.”
Jesus prayed this prayer while he was in agony on the cross, asking God to forgive those who had hurt Him. He had compassion on them because He knew that they really did not have a clue that He was the Son of God, and that they were crucifying God. In many cases, people really do not realize that they are offending you by what they say or do, sometimes they do it completely innocently (usually because they speak before they think). Then they may just move on with their lives, not knowing the pain that you are in. Of course there are other times when people do intentionally want to hurt you but usually these are people who do not know the Lord as their personal Savior.
Often, we can be easily offended by those that intimidate us. Intimidation can make someone feel “less than”. Intimidation can also bring a feeling of discouragement that can arise when you feel like someone else is superior to you. Intimidation can also come from comparing yourself to someone else and feeling insecure. I know this to be true because I have experienced it a lot in my own life, and like I said, I still struggle sometimes but I try to remind myself though repeating daily “Who I am in Christ!”
When we choose to take up offense, we are choosing to feel angry or upset in response to something someone has said or done to us or a loved one. When we take up the offense it only hurts us. While we are still stewing in our unforgiveness towards that person, it brings bad fruit to our lives including anger and unforgiveness. This can, in some cases, lead to hatred. Unforgiveness can even bring sickness to our bodies. Unforgiveness breeds bitterness which makes you a prisoner of the offense. This can result in numerous changes in your body including your heart rate, blood pressure, etc. and those changes then increase the risk of depression, heart disease, diabetes, etc. Forgiveness will, however, calm stress levels, leading to better health and happiness.
I once heard someone say, “Hurting people hurt people”. Yes, this phrase is true. Most times these people have experienced pain, trauma or harm of some sort, therefore they often lash out at others.
I was one of those people. I suffered trauma as a very young child being raped by an uncle (by marriage) before my 5th birthday. I also suffered a lot of other sexual abuse at his hand and others. Growing up I would often (even as a young child) lose my temper when someone upset me or hurt me or a loved one. This anger went with me into my adulthood.
I would lash out at them, often losing my temper. This resulted in getting me into some very serious trouble. My father would often tell me, “Darlene,” (my middle name) “That temper of yours is going to get you in some big trouble someday if you don’t learn to control it.” He was right. Several times I found myself in situations where I really hurt someone, but always regretting that I caused them pain. Once I ended up in jail for “assault and battery”, and another time I ended up in jail for “attempted murder.” Except for goodness and mercy following me all the days of my life…I could have spent my life in prison. There were also numerous times in my life where I hurt someone and probably could have suffered some consequences except for God’s mercy on me. That is not who I was!
When we get hurt by someone, we tend to become angry, and therefore take the anger out on those around us. Many times it’s our spouses, our children, our siblings, etc., the people that we love the most. They also must suffer through “our offenses.”
The enemy (the devil) knows where to attack us. If you never had problems with offense then most likely he won’t hit you in this area. He will most certainly attack you where you struggle, whatever that may be. The enemy doesn’t want unity among the brethren because he knows there is power in unity. This is why many churches have a church split because the enemy spreads offense among the brethren.
There is power in agreement, and there is division when an offense is taken. There is always power and authority in numbers. When the local police go out to help stop a riot the police department does not send out just “a few good men”, they send out as many as are available to show the crowds that they mean business. Why? Because there is power and authority in numbers. No wonder the enemy wants to divide us. We should be diligent in recognizing the enemy when he comes to try to divide us.
Unfortunately, in the times that we live in now, people have been divided politically. I personally have lost friends because of my political views. I have unintentionally offended people that I love. We should be able to “agree to disagree” and still play in the sandbox together. A lot of times something on the television, especially political stuff, can cause me to start to get angry. Immediately I will grab my phone and start to write something ugly on social media, but then the Lord will say to me, “No! Do not post that.” And then I have to repent for the anger.
The word of God tells us if we resist the devil then he will flee from us. We have power in us! If we harbor the offense, then what happens a lot of times is we begin to think about it and then let our emotions run wild. After that, many times we will want to share with someone our offense, thus allowing the spirit of Leviathan. The spirit of Leviathan is a spirit that twists words and communication. This is how it works. A person says something to another person, but what is said is not what it is heard the way it was spoken. This spirit twists words and causes offense. This is why it is so important to know who we are in Christ and choose immediately not to be offended! If we do that, then the enemy’s head has already been cut off. He has no power to do anything with that offense. Thank God for people in your life who do not allow you to talk about the offense, they direct you to the Lord.
Few people, though, ever talk about the one causing the offense. In Matthew 18:7 this verse talks about both the person, where the offense comes from, (the fact that someone chose to speak something that they know might hurt someone) and the person being offended.
Jesus says,
“Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!”
This verse emphasizes the importance of avoiding causing offense to others, and avoiding being easily offended ourselves. Don’t be the offender, and don’t take up the offense! When we take up an offense, the quicker we get to God with it, the better the outcome will be! Both the offender and the offended are wrong in their actions.
This is why it’s important to think before we speak so that we are not the offender, and when we feel we might get offended, then choose to just let it go. Often, when we harbor the offense, we then sometimes want to tell others about the offense, therefore dividing the brethren. When division comes, there is lack of power. The Word tells us in Proverbs 17:9 (NKJV)
“He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends”. Also in 1 Peter 4:8, “And above all things have fervent love for one another, for love will cover a multitude of sins”.
The spirit of Leviathan can and will come in quickly to kill and steal from us if we let it. The world is full of people who have been offended and harbored those offenses in their hearts, causing them to not ever want to set foot in a church again. Division! Bottom line! There is a childhood song that says, “Be careful little lips what you say, be careful little ears what you hear, there’s a Father up above looking down on us with love, oh be careful…..”
We sometimes make things so hard when they are really simple. None of us have achieved the goal of being perfect, yet we must strive daily to try and achieve that goal. I once heard someone say, “The Christian army is the only army that shoots and buries its wounded.” OUCH! What are we doing? We are supposed to be the example of love to the world; however, because of offenses we are biting and devouring one another. We are no better off than the world.
The Word of God tell us that one can put 1000 to flight and two can put 10,000 to flight. This is talking about the enemy (and for the record, people are not the enemy). If the enemy can keep us upset and mad at each other or hurt, then we don’t have as much power over him.
There are times that we as people even get offended at God. We want to look at situations and say, “Well God why don’t you do something about that? Or why didn’t you stop that, Lord? Or how come you let that go on?” I was there at one time in my life. When I got old enough to acknowledge the sexual abuse that I had suffered as a child, I asked the Lord, “Why did you let this abuse go on with me? How come you didn’t stop it?” I began to realize that I was not only mad at my perpetrators, but I was also mad at the Lord for allowing it to happen. I love the Lord, but I was angry at Him. I remember asking him, “Where were you when I was being raped at four years old?” I was also offended with the Lord. As I grew in the Lord and received counsel from wise people, I realized that God has given man a free will, that he does not stop the bad things that man chooses to do.
We do have free will. When I was in an “inner healing” time when my friend Pat, she was walking me through some things. The Lord showed me a vision of Jesus sitting in the corner with His head in His hands weeping with me because of the abuse going on with me at four years old. He was letting me see that he was there with me during that terrible ordeal, but because of the free will he had given my perpetrator, He did not stop it. Jesus was also sad that this had happened to me. I realized later that the reason I became so angry and had such a bad temper was because I had pushed all those feelings way down inside me instead of dealing with them. Of course, I was just a small child and probably did not know how to deal with any of it.
We must feel the feelings. With that being said, I am not saying to harbor those feelings because that’s where the bitterness, anger, etc. comes in. We must immediately realize what is happening when something is done to offend us and then we need to deal with it immediately. Sadly, I have watched parents scold their children for crying or being sad. People, especially children, must feel and express what they are feeling. If they are not allowed to do so all those feelings will be suppressed, and it will come out in anger later and cause harm to other people.
How should we deal with offenses biblically? First off, if we can immediately decide to just not let it offend us at all, then we have already conquered the enemy. And that’s it! It’s done because we did not let the root of bitterness dwell in our heart. Proverbs 19:11 says,
“Good sense makes one slow to anger and it is his glory to overlook an offense”.
Another scripture in James 1:19 says,
“Swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger”.
It is, however, not always easy to just overlook the offense, but we just must choose to do it.
The bottom line is the world is full of anger, bitterness, strife, hatred, etc. The world needs to see a difference in the people that call themselves Christians.
In Matthew 5:44, Jesus says,
“Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.”
This can be tough when we are feeling offended, but if we will immediately choose not to be offended, love those that have offended us and pray for those who we feel persecuted by, the world would be in a lot better place.
In closing, Psalms 103:12 tells us,
“As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us”.
There is no end to east and west; it continues infinitely. If we as Christians could ever learn to just let stuff go or cast it to the wind so that it may go into the East and West, then we could live a lot more peaceful lives because we chose not to be offended.
______________________________

Wanda Rogers is a country girl who loves Jesus. She has been the Children’s Pastor at Fullness in Christ Church for the last nine years. Prior to that she was the youth pastor. She plays drums on the worship team and is an ordained minister and Deaconess. She is a worshipper because of what God has done in her life. Wanda has adopted three children. She currently lives west of Fort Worth, Texas.